Good Grief Helps Children & Adolescents Face the Loss of a Parent

On September 11, 2001, nearly 3000 children, most of them around the age of nine years old, lost a parent. The tragic day brought together a nation in grief and invited many questions about how to deal with loss, especially of such a senseless and unexpected nature.

But 9/11 was not the only time of loss for young people in America. Research shows that an estimated one in nine Americans will lose a parent before the age of 20, according to Joe Primo, Associate Executive Director of Good Grief, an organization based in Morristown, NJ, formerly based in Summit, NJ that helps children and surviving parents cope with the process of grief.

Good Grief, Inc. was founded in December 2003 by Mary Robinson and a group of volunteers concerned about the lack of on-going, effective grief support services and grief education in New Jersey. 

The Good Grief Support Center opened on September 11, 2007 in Summit. The center, now located in Morristown, offers a range of programs to help young people ages 3 to 18 and their parent recover from the losses in their lives.

The organization serves families in 76 towns throughout the state including: Berkeley Heights, Scotch Plains, and Mountainside.

“Good Grief provides the space children need to process their grief. We try to meet kids where they are. We work with them at whatever level they want to work at,’ said Primo.

“Often during the grieving process, children and adults tend to isolate. Our mission is to break down those barriers,” said Primo who earned a Master of Divinity in End of Life Ethics and Counseling at Yale University and worked as a Hospice Chaplain prior to his work at Good Grief.

Primo said the isolation doesn’t always begin with the person who is grieving. He said because we are a society that is uncomfortable with death, often friends and family may begin to pull away from the person who is grieving because they don’t know how to deal with the issues or comfort the person.

“One boy told me that his best friend doesn’t ask him to play hockey anymore. This is probably because the friend doesn’t know what to say to the child who is experiencing a loss,” said Primo.

“Our goal at Good Grief is to provide a safe place for kids to really experience all of their feelings with no pressure,” said Primo.

The organization operates largely with 83 volunteer counselors who go through 35 hours of intensive grief counseling training and commit to serving in the program for at least a year.  

Primo said the that 11,000 square foot facility has a ‘Volcano Room’ with mats on the floor which serves as a space where kids can physically let out what they are feeling.

“Most of the time, kids express themselves with their bodies. When they enter the Volcano Room, they can let out that pent up energy, they can hit a pillow or do whatever it takes to physically act out their frustration,” he said.

According to a study by New York Life, one in nine children will lose a parent or sibling before the age of 20.

Primo said preliminary results from a groundbreaking survey conducted by the National Alliance for Grieving Children and the New York Life Foundation revealed:

-- 78% of parents who have lost a partner say they think about their deceased spouse/partner every day;

-- 91% say the death of their spouse/partner is the worst thing that has ever happened to them;

-- 77% say it’s very hard to know what is “normal” kid behavior vs. what is grief related;

-- 78% agree that there are not enough resources to help kids who have lost a parent;

-- 76% believe there are not enough resources for parents who have had a spouse die.

The full results of the study will be released in November, said Primo.

“We believe that these few data points powerfully articulate just how devastating the early death of a loved one can be – on parent and child alike. Yet, shockingly, little has been reported on the subject of childhood bereavement,” said Primo.

For more information about Good Grief, visit the Web site at: http://www.good-grief.org